my grandson, Cam, "iceblocking" in Texas
- Go to Disneyland. Hugh Nibley says, “Disneyland is the perfect example of hell.”
- Play Tackle Football. Remember, my calves are too small…and I’m a bleeder.
- Go to New Delhi, India. I like my cows on the table, grilled.
- Climb Mt. Everest. I lived in Rexburg for 44 years, and I’m still thawing out. I’m terrified of heights; the Manwaring Center 2nd floor was pushing it.
- Wash windows on a skyscraper. See “Climb Mt. Everest” above.
- Track a Tornado. If you already sense my fear of helplessness, imagine me, in a Ford 500, face pressed to the windshield, whirling at 300 mph in the eye of a storm.
- Go on a Cruise. We all know those massive flu epidemics have been going on for years…but Kathy Lee Gifford was under contract to keep it on the DL.
- Go to the Gobi Desert. Snakes. Sand.
- Crunch Numbers. Too late…just when I mastered the sliderule.
- Eat Dollie’s fried eggs. Have you ever eaten leather with salt and pepper? Didn’t want to, but had to.
- Camping. Snakes. Dirt.
- Go fishing [even with you, Bruce]. Snakes. Water.
- Be more than 100 yards from a bathroom. Ask Allen Keele, who in 1982 said, “Today on the BYU campus, I have found bathrooms I didn’t know existed.” I’m still working on my Fodor’s Guide to Bathrooms Everywhere.
- Play Rugby. I am nervous about blood. I don’t want to get hit, either.
- Play Cricket. I don’t understand the rules. And a wooden ball spinning through the air makes me nervous.
- Being Locked in an airplane bathroom…just before impact.
- Getting stuck in an elevator. Helpless, even with a possible Fodor’s Guide to Bathrooms Everywhere.
- Go directly from the fairgrounds to Taco Bell, without washing my hands.
To be continued…
