my grandson, Cam, "iceblocking" in Texas
- Go to Disneyland. Hugh Nibley says, “Disneyland is the perfect example of hell.”
- Play Tackle Football. Remember, my calves are too small…and I’m a bleeder.
- Go to New Delhi, India. I like my cows on the table, grilled.
- Climb Mt. Everest. I lived in Rexburg for 44 years, and I’m still thawing out. I’m terrified of heights; the Manwaring Center 2nd floor was pushing it.
- Wash windows on a skyscraper. See “Climb Mt. Everest” above.
- Track a Tornado. If you already sense my fear of helplessness, imagine me, in a Ford 500, face pressed to the windshield, whirling at 300 mph in the eye of a storm.
- Go on a Cruise. We all know those massive flu epidemics have been going on for years…but Kathy Lee Gifford was under contract to keep it on the DL.
- Go to the Gobi Desert. Snakes. Sand.
- Crunch Numbers. Too late…just when I mastered the sliderule.
- Eat Dollie’s fried eggs. Have you ever eaten leather with salt and pepper? Didn’t want to, but had to.
- Camping. Snakes. Dirt.
- Go fishing [even with you, Bruce]. Snakes. Water.
- Be more than 100 yards from a bathroom. Ask Allen Keele, who in 1982 said, “Today on the BYU campus, I have found bathrooms I didn’t know existed.” I’m still working on my Fodor’s Guide to Bathrooms Everywhere.
- Play Rugby. I am nervous about blood. I don’t want to get hit, either.
- Play Cricket. I don’t understand the rules. And a wooden ball spinning through the air makes me nervous.
- Being Locked in an airplane bathroom…just before impact.
- Getting stuck in an elevator. Helpless, even with a possible Fodor’s Guide to Bathrooms Everywhere.
- Go directly from the fairgrounds to Taco Bell, without washing my hands.
To be continued…
Love them all but Taco Bell one is hilarious--just reading it makes me squeamish.
ReplyDeleteRon
Cam just wanted to make sure the photo has copyright protection...and that he can somehow earn some cash from it.
ReplyDeletethe picture is gold, Jerry--pure gold! This was great dad. I can certainly see where many of my inhibitions come from. Can't imagine a cruise being enjoyable...clausterphobia and germs=misery!
ReplyDeleteThe key to joy in life is to take it all in, even the part that terrifies and then at least write about. Nothing funnier than someone who openly admits phobias. Others are touched by self-effacing honesty. You kids always got a kick out of my "me first," honesty. Or, "let me tell you what really terrifies me." Lora writes brilliantly about "toppers," those folks who have always been sicker longer or healthy longer or traveled farther. I know one, a friend indeed, but he could not be equaled, let alone "topped." I think his theme song was from the musical Carousel: "Anything you can do, I can do better..."
ReplyDeleteI had a "I have never nor will I ever" list of things that eroded when love overcame pride. Go to Disney Land was at the head of the list.
ReplyDeleteOn the day I received the sealing power in Salt Lake City I put Nita and five children (from Sally on down) into the pickup with a borrowed camper shell on top and bid them farewell to Disneyland. I returned to Honeybrook Farm to milk the cows.
A few years later we went to California to visit Edward who was living in Fresno. Kim and Nathan were the only ones left at home. We lived in Rexburg with no cows for an excuse. They had been quite little before, so we decided our trip would include for them and Nita a second visit to Disneyland.
I would drop them off and pick them up a few hours later looking for California birds in the meantime.
As we drove closer I thought of the nightmare of trying to reunite in a huge parking lot with throngs of happy tourists and decided Love is stronger than pride. Then Nita offered to buy me a new chess clock as a bribe. Having already decided, I accepted the bribe joyfully.
I was more impressed by how in Mecca they handled the crowds with roped zig-zagged lines than I was by any of the rides.
donny
Okay, you win--almost. Actually, I went to Disneyland when Lonesome Dove and I were first married. the only phobic recollection is riding the teacups. We were alone, content to spin at normal teacup pace. Then two students with USC sweatshirts jumped aboard--and proceeded to spin us up to 6GS, at which point I gave them a thumbs down, climbed off, and puked on the only piece of real live vegetation I could find. Leave room for phobia here. Let me be more complicated than "mere" pride, let alone "love over pride." Let's not allow Disneyland to be the pinnacle of our acts of love, overcoming pride. How about my trading a look at the National Cathedral so Carolyn could look for her baby sister's grave at Arlington--for the third time. I never saw the cathedral. She returned two more times to Arlington. And no bribe. . . .
ReplyDelete