Indifference

The writer-poet Kathleen Norris, who had lived in both Hawaii and New York, left both havens and moved to the western Dakotas because her husband, a bi-polar disordered poet himself needed rest and simplicity. They moved into a small town where his parents owned an old farmhouse. The simplicity, yes the redundancy of the Dakota plains of wheat, provided balance and order in a once disordered life. But she had to reorder her life to match her husband's.

In her book Acedia and Me, she charts her own journey through the few years together in a town the size of Rigby, Idaho, and discusses her own coping mechanisms making that adjustment from the sea-smells and sounds of the ebb and flow of Pacific to the endless plains. 

She chose the word "acedia" because of its original use among early Christian monks, living for the most part in the Egyptian desert. Let me give you a laundry list of synonyms for this fancy Latin word, which the monks described as an almost daily attack of the "noonday demon." That mid-afternoon attack of weariness, boredom, even a kind of anxiety. My daughter, Lora, calls the later 4-7 evening hours, the "witching hours" every housewife/mother faces. I have to add that living alone as a newly crowned widower, the same witch found me during the same hours. Mornings were often joyous and always productive. Late afternoon always threatened, as my grandson says, to "suck," which, harsh as it sounds, just might be appropriate because that "sucking" sound seemed to pull vital intellectual and spiritual energy down some hidden drain. See if you have ever met one of these demons on a wintry afternoon in Rexburg [not Austin, where it is 5:00 p.m. and 67 degrees].

1. Poisoning of the will: a kind of paralysis of the emotions.

2. Indifference: "I couldn't care less."

3. A dangerous acquiescence to "evil:" Broaden "evil" to mean anything from what most of us call the opposite of righteousness. Could it be that weak impulse something  like surrendering to that last piece of cake you were saving for your husband? Note: I am averse to calling diet-breaking as "evil," however.

4. Disillusionment: This is the shifting or even sliding away from Your Center. One poet called it "spiritual/emotional drift. If you watch more than two reality shows, one of which is Jersey Shore or anything about the Kardashians, the demons are in your house. No matter how you define "demons."

5. Emotional "dryness:" This is the shriveling of the mind or soul and is close to "drift." This leads to paging through mindless magazines, playing solitaire on the computer for more than 30 minutes and simply surfing or texting. "What are you doing now?" "Help me decide what to eat." "Eat a chicken sandwich." [16 responses]. Garbage in, garbage out. And a whole generation of our children is quietly and assiduously rewiring their brains.

6. Ennui: This French word defies a sharp English definition, but malaise, restlessness, or even misdirected energy try to get close. This kind of unconcern the Germans call Gleichgueltigkeit, a word that seemed to haunt most of the Germans I met when I wanted to talk about Mormonism.

So we dissect the problem. What are a few possible solutions?

1. Such weariness with life often flies into your windows on dark clouds and dark, cold days. Seneca, the Roman philosopher, said, "it is your soul you need to change, not the climate."  Remember weather is a state of mind.  After 45 years in Rexburg I was still working on this one. And now I'm in Austin, Texas. Try a SAD special light. It helps.

2. Seek an inner life. For me this has always been meditation. The mixing of a rich religious imagination with sacred texts. The monks read [Lectio] and then questioned themselves where they stood with respect to divine counsel. This could mean turning off the computer and talking to yourself in a room alone. 

3. Lively, thought-provoking visual stimulation. Watch films that stimulate your mind! For me and Lora, Downton Abbey [PBS] lately.

 

4. Exercise: For Lora, yoga, for Alison and Heather, break-a-sweat cardio. For Marcus and me, walking [for me very slowly].

5. Work or hobbies. When my wife was ill and I could not leave the house, I spent several hours each day polishing furniture, vacuuming, etc. 

6. Music that soothes and enlivens. For me that's Pandora Radio online playing classical/religious music.

7. And finally, if necessary, take medication if the depression takes you into an abyss you can't climb out of.

8. Routine. For me it's meditation and reading my scriptures, then Garrison Keillor's daily poem on the Net [Minnesota Public Radio], stretching exercises, then breakfast.

There are additional ways of breaking the barrier of the "noonday demon." One of the very best is to call a friend, write an e-mail, ask a friend to lunch. 

Or,  post a blog.