Yesterday we established that you children, through your mother, are definitely Asian. My personal research, however, has taken me to different cultural roots. The good news, folks, is that—yes—your old dad/grandpa is a cultural Jew. Not a theological Jew per se, but Jewish in style and humor. My ethos was built in Jerusalem—or, ahhh, New York. So, my friends, I share my new “deep” self with this striking list of evidence:
1. I am circumcised.
2. Some of my "people" have aquiline noses.
3. Richie Cline called me a Schlemiel in the 5th grade.
4. Cory Stanton "persecuted me" and beat me up in the 6th grade.
5. As a descendent of Oklahoma Oakies, Our people were driven out of Egypt [Oklahoma] to the Promised Land [California]. I might add, I now feel comfortable using the term, “my people.”
6. My mother was Jewish, in that she could both cook and swear [a real Meshuggeneh].
7. Ask me how I’m feeling, and I’ll respond, “bettah...” but never “great!”
8. I speak German, which is close to Yiddish, so I know how to putsn around the house with a dust cloth.
9. I did not play football. My calves are small and I’m a bleeder.
10. I now sleep with my glasses on [Woody Allen].
11. I don't like pork.
12. I like Bagels.
13. I own stock in a Tofu company [kosher cheese product].
14. All of my children and grandchildren are brilliant.
15. I charge 20% interest on all "loans" to my children.
16. I am now part of the Diaspora, living in exile in Austin, Texas.
Mazel Tov
And just when you thought Dad's posts couldn't get better...
ReplyDelete...yes, and as an added bonus, you can now crack all of those Jewish jokes and it is totally PC--afterall, you are only poking fun at "your people"!
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